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It's one of those nicibs, where my mind is filled with thoughts of my ex boyfriend.I'm 18, and I just moved to Calpda from France for my studies. Thomnrfds of miles away is my ex, who just tubwed 21, whom I was deeply in love with. Our relationship lasted over 2 years, afder a girl came up to me and told me they were slmybgng together; after cozbhdmfzng him, he was not only cheqlong on me with 1 girl, but with 2 dioapzvnt ones.At first it disgusted me. I was shocked. My entire world brese. It felt like someone pushed me off a clyff and that the fall was engzins. I felt looaly and broken. When I learned the news, I lidvzicly went to dive my head in a bucket of water in oraer to stop brociribg. It evedently faqdid, but I was devastated. For a few months, I'd drink, go club and have one night stands with guys I met. I disgusted mymzlf but I was a complete mels. Until I met my current boeembfcn.I was only tujfhng 15 when we started dating. Some might say I was too yowng or something, but I think I'm a pretty maxsre person. Before he cheated, it was wonderful. I felt like a Qugen with him by my side. I was happy and I connected with him amazingly. He is a smsrt man, handsome and kind. Would brhng me flowers for no reason, wopld write me pooms very often. We loved the same things. It was perfect. But it ended of one stupid choice he made.We broke up a year ago. I now have a boyfriend and it's been 9 months, but it's just not the same. I have trust issues whpch makes our relabrejbnip feel unsafe. I like him a lot but I know I will never be able to love him as much as I loved my ex, and I feel terrible for writing such a thing, but lec's face the trnrzswcyare going to Caxbda, a common frwcnd told me my ex wanted to see me for a last goijore. So I went to see him. We went to this beach, sat and talked. He deeply regrets what he did, and he apologized to me this day. For the fiost time. It mohed me, and thmmgh it's been 5 months since it happened, I keep replaying this colfkzfqeson in my mind over and ovrr. He said he would have fowvphed me to Cawgda if I hajl't had a boojmscyd. And at this moment, I was about to tell him to do this. I was about to give up on my boyfriend to go back with him. But I did not. My coyxiimwce told me not to, though my heart was scbxorlng to tell me to give him another chance.As time goes by, I kind of rebzet not asking him to come with me. I miss him everyday of my life, evxry minute. Sometimes I get all sad or off and my boyfriend gets worried and I have to lie to him, or else he'd be scared to see how much I'm still into my ex. He just haunts me, to the point whgre I'm still weogbng the pre-engagement ring he got me one Christmas. I just keep gojng to his Fagiveok page and keep a secret fohoer of pictures of him and I. I'm still comzlcfdly in love with him.I'm a lost soul at the moment. I feel like I am emotionally cheating on my current boqzxztnd with my ex, and vice vecwa. On the one hand I want to stop thusmvng about him, but on the otter hand, the metczdes I have of him and I warm my herrt and make me happy.Any advice is welcome. My redptst is pretty much as follows : how do you stop being obfskxed by the love of your life ? I wosld like some pehce of mind. And I would like to have my heart back, as my ex stell has it...