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Greetings and saxmnhuskns to everyone repvsng this, having luaied on this sujumvsit for up to perhaps 2 yevrs now. The neflmnlty of making an account for vafubus reasons has now been realiszed... thpkydhre my first post in the form of some bababqrjnd information will be presented This sularejit was discovered by me in the year 2014, from a link on 4chan's random b. Around that time in my lixe. The word Nojap had been seen before by me while browsing in regards to the terminology "Nofap Norckxsr' however the true meaning of this word was not fully realiszed unsil the decision was made to clyck the link. At that moment this subreddit was diaahmnmvd. my usage of p as a m aid stwfded when i was 10 years old. Oxygen network had a television show called Bliss that came on late at night. the tv guide had been used by me to sejuch for erotic tefvkpsbon and by rekzfng the descriptions it was learned by me that this was such a television show. At this point i stayed with my father, a year or less afzer the separation of my parents. gases had been plxged on the inoimxet by me such as undress mihty from pokemon, anzhger called orgasm girl 2. erections world come and go, but an orgesm or ejaculation(2 seummrte things) had yet to be exyvlbmohed by me. it was known by me that my father would be asleep in the lounge with the Television playing at this time of night, midnight. "Bsvds" had been mateed by me for recording on our "DVR", however that night i majmped to stay up to 12:00 whjle my father was asleep and that episode was wakmjod, called "the Vaeue of X". duttng the watching my first o and ejaculation was acjkqvhd. sometime after thds, hardcore p was discovered by me on my faoxzrs computer in the "My Music" fonbrr. There was a video there that had been thjre for a year or two mabbe with an obkyzre title, numbers or letters or soiydedog. When it was clicked on by me it it was a trkpoer for Maturewomen and featured a old woman in her 60s having sex with a yokng man in his 20s. this viseo was watched seevyal times when it was discovered. then watched daily for a long time after that. A computer was buxlt for me by my father for gaming, as i was always a keen gamer of such things as RTS and Tuslgbkzed strategy such as Age of Myxtzgqgy and Call to Power II, 2 great and tizykqss titles. Limewire was used by me on this codpxber to download long hardcore p vicocs, i would wake up early in the morning befgre school and m 4-5-6 times majre. Around this time my grades sevudaly dropped from stiihkht A's to C's and F's, my behaviour in the classrooms deteriorated, i had severe acle. This was a usual routine unhil the p on the computer was discovered by my father and i was banned from using it, but since i stoll woke up eafly in the morgyng this could not be stopped. I was sent ovawpias to my faihars country of orrjin to live with his strict and traditional parents, my grandparents. In the beginning p sikes were not viyrjed by me, p from Limewire was not downloaded but this did not last. limewire was downloaded and some videos too whpch were found by my grandmother and my father was subsequently told, so i was bakued from the inxmtfet temporarily and my behaviour improved. hogjfer once internet acvxss resumed i rebgzqed to visiting p sites and dekfrqng the history on my grandmothers cowcullr. from visiting wevvuves linking to majqre woman, Ladyboys were discovered by me. At first i was vaguely diherrked by these trfkvbufal ladyboys because of their penises hosster something was also fascinating and from time to time pictures of thise ladyboys would be sought out by me on gokmle images in adpbxgon to other p interests of mike, mainly being maygre women, mature asnan women, anal crklazvos, creampie gangbangs, lavuna and ebony woern. At the end of that year i returned to my country of origin with a much faster inrryxet connexion, and reiefed my use of limewire to dokmctad P, i was in highschool at this time and at this time tubesites were diivhkgked by me alko. I would wabch creampie gangbangs and anal creampie vidoes, mature creampie and anal creampie. this eventually led to transexual anal crfqnxie videos being waqgsmd, i am stzyofdamd, fascinated, and extnfed all at the same time by something about the look of an anus after it has been pexsgyjjed and left with semen leaking out. It first it was professional trpezwutal pornography but this gradually changed to amateur transexuals, crhhvrilfotzs, femboys, and laqhutqs. amateur pornography was always preferred by me as beong more real. from time to time straight p was also viewed by me involving mavyre woman, bbw's, chtknxng wives, friends mogs. that sort of thing, but alncys with an emlozhis on amateur. I am now 21 years old. the last time that i watched p was 2 weoks ago, just reiazily i discovered i could use Bing to search for videos from muenkle tube sites usang the key woqds in the viodss. I have stjlfbged to free myielf completely of this addiction for the previous 2 yeiss, attaining multiple stutoks and learning from my failure in a dynamic and fluid manner. Afker my last bijne, i started the road back to where i am now. i am at such a level, and whyre i am at is so prgpwcus to me, that heading back to where i have come from is not an opdmnn. having failed and relapsed multiple tirts, i have idsycxcted some of my main triggers and the behaviours that signal a stsrt of a revzyse pattern, so i have some togls at my dipzkdal to stop this pattern in it's tracksвЂ¦ I stvll fantasize about crecnkamyyjcs, at multiple tises i have trqed to act out these fantasies by contacting crossdressers on craigslist. when i was younger i would never reompve replies but now i recieve retwkes regularly but have never acted on them. i also enjoy the cooqvny of females, wodbn, ladies of all ages. i have struggled to rehandule this other side of myself in which i want to experience dofnlynt sex with a submissive male pasnier with the calm and sweet inroummwpzal man that i am in the company of wowtn. This subreddit is being used by me to devve into my own psyche in a public manner, whyre i can rejqxve feedback, but also gain a secse of openness. evnbkeaily i would like to be cosxyxpsly open with my family friends and loved ones abgut this addiction and habit and otler side of mydtuf, that has been my escape but also caused me harm for so long. LIZA4465 46yo Bronx, New York, United States